Guardian Angels

WELL.

Yesterday really and truly was one for the books (blogs).

 

  1. It started off with a job offer, YAY!
  2. It led onto me eating really well, except for when I went to my dads and ate a handful or two more grapes than allowed on my counts, but shit, its grapes.
  3. It then led to me meeting my friends in town.
  4. It then led to me ending up in a car crash, my car fucked and the other lady who drove into me leaving with not too much damage.

 

What happened? I was driving, I had right of way and she pulled in front of me at an illegal intersection amongst the roadworks. Fun right?

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As I got out my car, asking “What the fuck did you think you were doing?” an old friend drove up behind me asking, “B, are you ok?”

 

Guardian. Angel.

 

She advised me on what to do, she called the boyf, she called the dad, I don’t know how I would have functioned without her.

I came out unscathed, save a bumped head and roasted arm, nothing broken.

 

And then?

I guiltily think that it might have been easier had I just died in the crash, not to deal with everything anymor
e – not that there is much to deal with, but still. It makes me question my relationship with God though; if I had died, would I have been ready to face him in Heaven? Would I have stayed in Heaven?

 

That is where I want to be. From now on I will post a Bible verse along with my One Liner.

 

These events don’t just happen for fun. They happen kick our butts back onto the right track, and for that, and ONLY that, I am grateful.

Success

Well done to me.

I completed one day sticking to my plan and not binging.

However, I didn’t go to gym. I can tell you that if I had gone to gym it would have been a different story.

Progress: If I go to gym, I need to eat more.

If I go to gym, I need to prepare myself for the oncoming surge of food stuffs that I will want to put in my body. Note to self: research healthy post workout snacks.

I am meeting my dad today for coffee, I plan on having a Chai Latte while I am at it which will ad an extra Carb and Milk to my counts – check my counts so far…

“I’ll just make some muffins”

So, last night I got the urge to bake. It is my period coming up, so baking and wanting to surround myself with sweet things is a regular occurrence.

“I’ll make some standard muffins for the boyf, and I won’t have any because they have sugar and flour in them and I know I am not allowed sugar and flour.”

Famous. Last. Words.

 

Mistake 1: Licking out the bowl

Getting that first hit of sugar sent me down the spiral of wanting to eventually taste more – even though I didn’t (want to) realise it at the time.

Mistake 2: Trying a little crunchy piece from the top

ROOKIE ERROR. Didn’t I watch a video yesterday about going cold turkey rather than giving in once in a while?

I eventually ate about 3 small muffins, I think.

Mistake 3: I’ve already fucked up, I might as well continue. 

There is always a point to stop. There is always a decision you can make that overeating on 200 calories is less bad than overeating on 800.

Its logical! Just because you ate 200 over your allocated amount, does not mean you can go balls to the walls and carry on eating. No sir, not with a sugar addiction you cant.

 

What have I learnt?

So this morning, after doing Jamie Eason’s 15 minute home workout, I have learnt the following about how I feel:

  • I feel shitty for letting self-indulgence take over self-control
  • I know I am stronger than my silly urges last night because I was THIS close to just saying “no”
  • I feel better after doing some cardio
  • I feel good about actually eating breakfast because before I would have rather skipped – sitting with a crazy stomach ache and terrible guilt
  • I see that the shitty bits on my body are not its fault, it is just my primal brain that told me I “needed” the sugar. I am not shit, the weakness which I think is me is shit.
  • I hope that I can keep this optimistic outlook during my on coming Shark Week/Leak Week/Red Robot Roller-coaster.

Let’s not waste time…

My name is B, I used to have anorexia, then I developed binge eating disorder/sugar addiction. It sucks. Now I’m trying to sort it out!

Diets have always been “my thing”. Now I am back on my diabetic exchange plan I was given at the clinic – I am also in Week 3 of the Jamie Eason Livefit 12-Week Trainer program.

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