“I’ll just make some muffins”

So, last night I got the urge to bake. It is my period coming up, so baking and wanting to surround myself with sweet things is a regular occurrence.

“I’ll make some standard muffins for the boyf, and I won’t have any because they have sugar and flour in them and I know I am not allowed sugar and flour.”

Famous. Last. Words.


Mistake 1: Licking out the bowl

Getting that first hit of sugar sent me down the spiral of wanting to eventually taste more – even though I didn’t (want to) realise it at the time.

Mistake 2: Trying a little crunchy piece from the top

ROOKIE ERROR. Didn’t I watch a video yesterday about going cold turkey rather than giving in once in a while?

I eventually ate about 3 small muffins, I think.

Mistake 3: I’ve already fucked up, I might as well continue. 

There is always a point to stop. There is always a decision you can make that overeating on 200 calories is less bad than overeating on 800.

Its logical! Just because you ate 200 over your allocated amount, does not mean you can go balls to the walls and carry on eating. No sir, not with a sugar addiction you cant.


What have I learnt?

So this morning, after doing Jamie Eason’s 15 minute home workout, I have learnt the following about how I feel:

  • I feel shitty for letting self-indulgence take over self-control
  • I know I am stronger than my silly urges last night because I was THIS close to just saying “no”
  • I feel better after doing some cardio
  • I feel good about actually eating breakfast because before I would have rather skipped – sitting with a crazy stomach ache and terrible guilt
  • I see that the shitty bits on my body are not its fault, it is just my primal brain that told me I “needed” the sugar. I am not shit, the weakness which I think is me is shit.
  • I hope that I can keep this optimistic outlook during my on coming Shark Week/Leak Week/Red Robot Roller-coaster.

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