Deep in It: Happy vs unhappy = Like vs dont like?

Well. Here I am. Once again in the binge. I hate doing it but yet I do?

 

I realised something today. When had othorexia/anorexia, I was always upset by the way I was eating. I dont think I got pleasure from restricting, it was more that I didnt like it and thats why i did it.

Now, when I eat well, I like it, and thats why I binge – to be in that state of “not liking” again!!??

 

So:

Anorexia = Restrict = unhappy = liked it

Normal = Binge = unhappy = like it

Normal = Restrict = happy = DONT LIKE IT???

 

Why am I sabotaging myself like this????

 

Its almost like I need to be unhappy to be happy? WHAT THE FUCK?

 

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