Well. Here I am. Once again in the binge. I hate doing it but yet I do?
I realised something today. When had othorexia/anorexia, I was always upset by the way I was eating. I dont think I got pleasure from restricting, it was more that I didnt like it and thats why i did it.
Now, when I eat well, I like it, and thats why I binge – to be in that state of “not liking” again!!??
Anorexia = Restrict = unhappy = liked it
Normal = Binge = unhappy = like it
Normal = Restrict = happy = DONT LIKE IT???
Why am I sabotaging myself like this????
Its almost like I need to be unhappy to be happy? WHAT THE FUCK?