Anorexia

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I just watched an amazing TED Talk on the topic of Anorexia and recovery.

Some points that really stood out for me:

“Why? Why do we choose to starve ourselves, make ourselves sick and exercise into oblivion? Why do we choose to harm ourselves and those around us? The answer is simple, its not a choice; eating disorders are not a choice. They are a coping mechanism, a safety blanket, an identity. They make life simple by giving you a rule book for life. Rules that tell you how to live, what to do what to say what to eat. Rules take away chance and decision and they take away risk. They give you control.

Of course we all want to feel in control, but often demons arise. Alcoholism, drug abuse, self harm, eating disorders. All addictions. All seeking control in a world full of social constructs set by somebody else. Seeking escape from the torture they feel in everyday life. Seeking peace from the constant voice in their head telling them that they’re not good enough. Seeking numbness so that they don’t have to deal with their negative thoughts and emotions.

Eating disorders are not just about food and weight, they are an addiction, they are self harm. Every ED disorder is different from the way they start and how they present themselves, to the rules that govern them and the purpose that they serve. But that’s the common factor, they all serve a purpose.”

Every time I lose control things go haywire. Then I eat. When I am in control of my surroundings, I am in control of my food. When I am not in control of my work or heart, I seem to be not in control of food. This is where you need to be stricter.

“Anorexics hate food right? No. Deep down anorexics love food, they are just depriving themselves of something they love as a way of punishment.

The journey from anorexia to recovery is rarely linear.

If I recovered who would I become? What could I amount to? Recovery isn’t just about wanting it enough, you cant want it more than anything in the world, you can have so many reasons to recover but you just cant do it. It is the most terrifying concept imaginable. It Means letting go of control and leaving your comfort zone. Given long enough we find comfort in our suffering; we stay in the same job we hate, we drag out a dysfunctional relationship. I starved my self for days on end, understanding the consequences but so afraid to change.

It is impossible to recover from anorexia and keep your rules. You have to rip up your rule book. Anorexia gave me that reality check. I cant always be comfortable, I cant always have control and there is no rule book for life.

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.”

Below the video…. Xx